"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" ~ unknown
2015 was the most physically difficult year of my life. There is no one to blame and no one to shame. It was unexpectedly hard—obstacles caused me to question my profession, the mirror of life reflected back images I did not want to see and the path I was confidently walking got overgrown so overgrown, a path no longer existed.
The experiences were completely encompassing and cathartic, burning off any regret, confusion, pain. I was left on the bathroom floor stronger and more empowered than I could have ever imagined. I have glimpsed my own potential and it is bright beyond words.
Facing uncertainty of my future, I realized life is like a train—except I have no idea who is driving and where we are going. In moments of evaluation and re-evaluation I have found nothing other than affirmation: with an open and grateful heart I have surrounded myself with family and family who are beyond amazing; a partner who supports me to be the person I want to be and comforts me when I have fallen; and colleagues who are friends, friends who are colleagues the lined is so blurred I can’t tell the difference and don’t want to; and I love what I do professionally, it fuels and fills me. Could I be in the place I am without the support I have had? I don’t think so—I have been surrounded with such unconditional love and comfort it’s busted me open. I have so much gratitude for the community I call my own.
This year, I leaned to face the pain, and turn towards my fears, towards darkness—in these shadowed corners I explore, I learn more about myself than anywhere else. I have left the known stability and comfort of the nest of life I had built and now my wings have grown wider, stronger and more adept. I don’t know exactly where I am going or life is taking me, but I know I have the strength to fight for the life I want to lead and harness the gusts of winds that meet me.
My heart and capacity for compassion feels exponentially bigger. I will shine more brightly and love more fully this year and every year after, I hope you do the same.