I hear myself saying," That it is important to do the work and keep doing the work." This phrase is so simple and complicated, and an ever moving target.
In 2000, "doing the work" meant addressing severe clinical depression I didn't know I had. There was a heaviness, anxiety and deep sadness that I struggled with in varying levels for years. I was in a hole, I knew something was terribly wrong. Eventually, I started seeing a therapist, figuring out how to accept the subsequent diagnosis, taking medication and addressing the symptoms. This was the beginning of my journey to introspection and self-awareness. Therapy led me to discover yoga and Buddhism, where I began to cultivate an acceptance for my human experience-- as difficult, grief-stricken, joy laden as it may be and invoke equanimity for the sad side of life.
In 2010, the yoga and Buddhist meditation studiesled me to a course in the Bhagavad Gita. Theintrapersonal and reflective work led me to question the places in my life where I was getting angry. I had been exploring non-violent communication and the concept of Loving-Kindness, or metta for a few years, but now I was addressing what was getting me mad or angry. This was a most uncomfortable self-examination. After a few days of observation, I realized I was getting upset at dogs I was dog sitting and kids I was teaching. I was covering it up, hiding it, gritting my teeth and bearing it, stuffing it aside, but the emotions were still there. At the moment of clear realization, I decided I didn't want to be the kind of person who would get upset or mad at dogs and children. I looked my anger straight in the eye and told it it was no longer welcome.
Today, it still makes me uneasy to admit, but I am addressing my relationship with fear. What are the obstacles in my life that I allowing to hold me back because I am scared? Where do I cower, instead of stand strong? Where do I disempower myself because of fear of failing? What comes up when you ask yourself these questions? What are you working on?