I have never been able to put my finger and identify the cause, but October turning to November is an emotionally difficult time of year. I feel less motivated, it is a little harder to leave the house and get to work, life feels heavier. Ayvuredic doctors have told me I am vata deranged; therapists have prescribed antedotes; my mother has recommended I go for a run.
After decades of struggle, I now allow myself to draw inward, reigniting my meditation practice & allowing myself to go to bed earlier than I think adults should. I make yoga dates to trick myself into not only getting out of the house-- but to get into the studio to practice. I have recently started practicing ukulele. But most of all I get radically grateful. Some days I have to fake it until I make it (and the sun sets before I have made it). Ill whisper my thanks to the birds and the wind in the yard, the changing trees. I send spontaneous thank yous. I bake for friends. I say "thank you" instead of "I am sorry". The laundry list is long and growing longer. At least for me, this crowds the heaviness out and there is no room at the party for anxiety, doubt or deep sadness.
Most of all I love celebrating Dia De Los Muertos. The grief wrapped around those I have lost and fear of loosing those I loveand fear that is wrapped around death has been heavy in my life. To celebrate the lives that I have loved and loss, turns everything around topsy-turvy in the most joyous way. Marinating in my favorite memories of those near and dear to me, sharing stories also helps me take stock of where I have come from, who I am influenced by and where I am going. I am so profoundly grateful for how well loved I am and have been.